Go Ahead, Argue

Avoiding arguments does a marriage no favors, according to recent research. Although couples fight when their marriages are failing, research suggests that arguments are not in themselves symptoms of bad marriages; rather, it is destructive arguments that bring couples down. Quarrelling well is the best remedy.

Every argument has one virtue: like a volcano, it releases pressure. Some rows are cathartic, others make fine foreplay. Many also uncover a point of conflict, clarifying feelings about issues and communicating them unambiguously to a spouse.

If a couple knows how to argue well, their marriage will improve. Marriage expert John Gottman concluded from his extensive studies of newlyweds that those who started their marriage refusing to tolerate "negativity --- those who insisted on gently confronting each other when, say, the other was contemptuous or defensive – wound up happy and satisfied years later."

Obsolete or Just Evolving?

A recent Pew Research Center survey showed that 39 percent of respondents believe marriage is becoming obsolete. That's a dire prediction, but is it true?

“I don’t think marriage is a dying institution,” says Carolyn Kaufman, PsyD, an assistant professor of psychology at Columbus State Community College in Ohio. “I do, however, think that the way we see marriage is changing. What most people don’t realize is that the way we see marriage has changed many times in the past. There was a time marriage was all about securing an heir with a particular heritage or about a man getting a particular woman’s dowry. Marriage is a constantly evolving concept.”

Right At Your Fingertips

The same sex-triggered hormones that make your skin glow also make our nails strong, which means less splitting and breaking and longer-lasting manicures.

Text Instead of Sending Flowers?

The New York Post quotes a psychologist who points out "Texting and all the social networking that's happening... creates anticipation."

So does that mean that tidbits of stilted, typo-ridden correspondence may actually heat things up through titillating interaction? Apparently.

The Post points out that social networking gets couples ready for romance, so maybe put down that bouquet of flowers and pick up your phone and start texting.

Valentine's by the Numbers

A new spending survey from the National Retail Federation reports that Americans who celebrate Valentine's Day are planning to spend $116.21, an 11% jump from last year's $103. And the Washington, D.C.-based trade group says it anticipates total spending for the Feb. 14 holiday to reach $15.7 billion.

Get Out

Research shows that having children can decrease marital happiness and the quality of a couple’s relationship. According to an eight-year study at the University of Denver and Texas A&M, 90 percent of 218 couples experienced a decrease in marital satisfaction once the first child was born.

Terry Real, a Boston-based marriage and family therapist, and author of The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work, suggests dating your spouse.

Apparently it's good for children to see parents go off for the weekend and leave them at home, orjust go out on a Friday night. It's a tremendous inoculation against marriage failure down the pike to put a little time and energy into marriage all the way through.

That's a great reason to get a babysitter and make a date.

Valentine's Is For Lovers

We've been hard at work selecting this year's Valentine's Surprise. With so many new products to choose from, and feedback from our members, we think we've done good!

Three years after the first Valentine's Surprise launched, we never tire of trying to make sure our members are delighted when they open their packages, and never more so than when it comes to a holiday that's made for lovers.